


Zero Picks His Nose

by FluteofthePotato



Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Ride Armor, Soccer, Teamwork, a cool party, nose-picking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 06:10:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10269995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluteofthePotato/pseuds/FluteofthePotato
Summary: “You guys are late.” said Signas when they finally got to the maverick hunter headquarters. The navigators were already there. “There’s another maverick attacking the city! We need to get the big guns!"





	

Once upon a time, a robot named Zero was digging for gold. In his nose. He was really getting into it! X, his best friend, came up to him and said “Hey Zero, want to hang out?” Zero kept picking his nose. His other friend Axl asked “Hey Zero, can you help me with my homework?" Zero kept picking his nose. His ex-girlfriend, Iris, came up to him and said “Goddammit Zero, quit picking your stinkin’ nose!” Zero ignored her. And continued picking his nose. 

Signas came into the room with an announcement. “There are mavericks attacking the city! Do your jobs and stop them!” “Ok!” said X, Axl, and Zero. Axl and X saluted Signas, because he’s the guy in charge and that’s what you do when you’re a military guy. Zero’s finger was still up his nose, so he gave a thumbs-up with his other hand instead. Signas wanted to sigh in disgust, be he was too polite and professional to actually do it. He let Zero off the hook because Zero was a cool guy. 

X, Zero, and Axl rode on their motorcycles to the city where the maverick was attacking. It’s hard to ride a motorcycle when you only have one hand to steer and the other hand is being used to pick your nose, but Zero did it anyways. He only got into 3 accidents on the way there!

The three of them got to the city. And it was true: a maverick was attacking it! It was Vile, who was evil and purple and looked like a Star Wars ripoff. He was riding around in a robot suit and punching holes in windows with his robot suit fists. He reached into the window of a bakery and grabbed a tray of bagels. And then he started eating them. The fiend!

“Yuck, I hate onion bagels!” He said in a villainous voice. He dumped the tray of them in the street, spilling them everywhere. Even more fiendish. “Stop, you fiend!” cried X, doing a cool team pose with Axl. Zero hung back, intent on picking his nose. 

“No.” said Vile, and he kept being evil. X started shooting him with some powers he stole. Axl started shooting him with his guns and flying around. Zero decided that it was too annoying to try and fight with one hand, so he chucked his sword at Vile. It sliced a hole in his robot suit, and Vile fell on the ground. Looks like he’d have to walk home tonight. He was mad about this because his house was very far away, and the robot suit was an effective form of transportation. 

“Goddammit, Zero!” said Vile. “Now I have to walk home!” He activated his knee-guns and started shooting at the team. Axl thought that this was the funniest thing he’d seen all month. Who builds a robot with knee guns? He started laughing at Vile, while X and Zero joined in.

“Stop laughing at me!” said Vile.

Then they all kicked Vile’s butt, and sent him to robot jail. Zero picked his nose in celebration. 

“Let’s all go out tonight with our friends, and celebrate beating Vile again!” said X. Axl started calling their friends. X started texting the navigators. Zero kept picking his nose. 

LATER

The party was in full swing, mostly because the gang and all their friends wanted an excuse to party. And party they did. The navigators were playing Pin The Tail On The Donkey, Massimo made one of those party salads out of jello and canned fruit, and Mario was busy picking people’s pockets. Zero was busy picking his nose. 

X took out his phone and dialed the jail, and asked to do a video chat with Vile. The jail said yes, because X is a good guy. The partygoers all gathered around the phone screen.

“Hey Vile! I just wanted to show you that we’re having a great time at this party, and you’re not invited!” Zero picked his nose in agreement. Vile swore at them and hung up. Everybody laughed and shook hands, except for Zero because he had a plate of Massimo’s party salad in one hand and was picking his nose with a finger on his other hand. 

THE NEXT DAY

“Some party, huh?” X asked the other two guys as X, Zero, and Axl were walking to work in the morning from wherever the party was being held last night. The other characters called taxis because they were smart, but the maverick hunter trio liked walking together. 

“Yeah it was great!” said Axl. “Yeah.” said Zero, with his finger still up his nose. 

“You guys are late.” said Signas when they finally got to the maverick hunter headquarters. The navigators were already there. “There’s another maverick attacking the city! We need to get the big guns!”

“Oh boy I love big guns!” said Axl. X looked grim but determined. Zero kept picking his nose. 

The big guns in question were actually giant robot suits that had big guns mounted to them. They were designed for use by smaller robots, so that they could run faster and farther in the suits. They could also punch through walls if they wanted to, but that was frowned upon because property damage is impolite in this day and age. Unless they were damaging maverick property, in which case they could break things as much as they wanted. Axl really liked that part. Even X admitted to enjoying it, too. Last time they got to do maverick property damage was when they crashed Vile’s evil maverick pool party, so they got to trash his pool, arrest the mavericks, and then trash the pool house. Vile managed to get away, which is why he was attacking the city in the beginning of this story. But the trio managed to get a good number of mavericks and send them to robot jail, so it turned out mostly ok in the end. 

Axl secretly hoped that they would get to trash another pool party. He smiled as he remembered his fond memories. X was digging around in his pockets for his keys to the giant robot suit. Zero was busy digging for gold. 

They got in their robot suits and off they went! Axl liked zooming really fast and doing sick parkour off of freeways and other large pieces of infrastructure. X was busy following the speed limits and traffic laws. Zero was busy picking his nose, but he did a decent job driving with only one hand. He knocked over and ice cream truck and two food trucks (spilling ice cream, sandwiches, and noodles all over the street) but nobody got hurt and it wasn’t a big deal. “Yay, free sandwiches!” said the neighborhood kids when the sandwich truck got kicked over. “You’re so cool, Zero!” They all started picking their noses to emulate their hero, and eating road-flavored sandwiches with their other hands. (They all followed the 3-second rule, don’t worry.)

And then the maverick-fighting heroes finally got to the site where the second maverick was attacking the city. IT WAS SIGMA. AND HE WAS ALSO IN A GIANT ROBOT SUIT. But his was bigger, and had a cool paint job, and racing stripes! 

“Ha ha ha, I’m attacking the city!” he said as he punched through the window of a cake shop. “What are you going to do, stop me?” 

“Yeah!” said X. He started firing the guns on his less-cool-then-Sigma’s-but-still-cool robot suit. Axl did some parkour (because the robot suit was too heavy to fly like Axl does) and he fired his guns, too. Zero was busy picking his nose, but he looked up and saw that a battle with Sigma was going on.

“Holy crap, I hate Sigma!” he said, and he jumped his robot suit into the fray. His robot suit had a sword and the controls were two-handed, but he did an ok job piloting it with one hand since the other one was busy with picking his nose. He swung the sword around, X did a lot of shooting, and Axl was parkour-ing around and also shooting. Sigma was shooting back. It was a really intense battle with cool special effects and some explosions. 

Finally, they were close to having Sigma get defeated. The racing stripes on his cool robot suit were battle-worn, and his paint job wasn’t looking so nice. Some of his guns were broken because Zero hit them with his robot suit sword. Zero picked his nose as he glared at Sigma, preparing with X and Axl for the final blow. 

“Ha ha ha, I have an ace up my sleeve!” said Sigma, and he tried to disappear in a puff of smoke. But nothing happened and the maverick trio didn’t know that Sigma wanted to disappear in smoke, so it looked like Sigma was laughing triumphantly and saying “I have an ace up my sleeve!” but he continued to lie there for about 30 seconds before he thought that something was wrong. When he realized it, he tried to take the robot suit and roll down the street to make a daring escape. He got as far as rolling into a ball, but then Axl kicked him. X kicked Sigma next. And Zero kicked him third, with one hand picking his nose and the other hand piloting the robot suit/ kicking mechanism. This way, the trio worked together to kick Sigma all the way back to maverick hunter headquarters like a giant soccer ball to turn him in for being a maverick who attacked the city and punched the window to a perfectly nice, non-maverick cake shop. Zero picked his nose in victory.

“Good job, guys” said Signas when they finally got back to Headquarters a few hours later, having kicked Sigma around and scored a few goals along the way. Zero triumphantly picked his nose, X looked proud, and Axl fired his gun in the air. Sigma was pretty motion-sick so they tossed him in jail and that was that. 

Later that night, the maverick hunter trio was savoring their victory over injustice. “Hey Zero?” said X. “Yeah,” said Zero, who was still picking his nose. “Why are you still picking your nose?” said X.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick your nose when you don’t have fingernails?” asked Zero, a finger still shoved up his nose. 

X and Axl looked down at their hands and screamed, because they didn’t have any fingernails either.

THE END


End file.
